A Portfolio
Books have saved me many times throughout my life. As a trans person, the first half of my existence was spent in isolation. Stories presented a crucial escape, offering a wider world than my own. Writers who would never know me, gave me a place to belong. Julia Serano and Judith Butler voiced a clearer framework for understanding my own identity. Across time, Louisa May Alcott and Jane Austen offered sisterhood. Jim Harrison, Ted Kooser, and Viktor Frankl taught me stillness in the quiet moments. When coming out in my early thirties, This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel alongside novels like If I Was Your Girl and Detransition, Baby let me safely explore society before risking too much of my own vulnerability. Unfortunately however, there are not very many books with transgender main characters.

As a professional mixed media artist these past thirteen years, visual art has been a mechanism of self expression and survival. I love the creative act. Carpentry and paint became my specialties, though I often incorporate illustration, web development, photography, and music and sound design depending on the project at hand. Increasingly however, writing has become a focus for me. It is pure creation in a way visual art struggles to compare itself. As I have reflected on what inspires me and how I might give back to my community, contributing to the small pool of narratives featuring transness is where I’d like to devote my efforts. For kids like I once was, I want them to know they have a place in this world. I want them to have stories and characters I did not get to have while growing up. It is a privilege to really see oneself and belong. In short, I am driven to make a harsh time in history a bit safer, a little kinder, and somewhat more inclusive.

Frankly though, writing well is difficult. As with creative pursuits in general, awareness, authenticity, and discipline are helpful. However, in my experience, formal education accelerates the quality of work produced and I feel a sense of urgency to grow as a committed, lifelong learner. It was an immense pleasure visiting the campus and seeing the Oscar Wilde Centre. Though applying for this program is certainly an intimidating endeavor, the atmosphere seems to be one of such warmth, approachability, and depth. If I were fortunate enough to attend Trinity College Dublin’s M. Phil. in Creative Writing program, I have no doubt that it would help me mature as an artist and, by extension, positively impact the lives of others. From across the ocean, thank you for your consideration.


Respectfully,
Lauren Eliza
Blessed are the Sacred Places
{a poem}
The Met
Red Rocks
The field behind my grandmother’s house
My whole self in my fingers when my mom holds my hand
Guest bedroom in Portland
Afternoons with puffy white clouds
Music stores
The ocean
When my sisters and I lived in the same house
Wrapped up with a sleepy dog
Or cat
The big nursery with the crunchy gravel paths
In the car running errands with my mom
The park near my home
And the library walking distance away
A clean bed after a hot shower after a long day


Argonaut
{a song}
Call me whipping girl
Call me argonaut
Call me fairy like it's a bad thing
Call me a small god

Call me daughter
Call me son
Call me least of these
Call me no one

Though I'm ordinary
Can I be your best friend?
A coal mine canary
Caged and absent, then

I can take it
I can take it
I can take it
I can't take it

I'm invisible
I am laid bare
I might be alone
Though, I'm hardly there
Call me least of these
Call me your friend E





CHAPTER 2
Friend
(an excerpt from Emerald Clarke, a novel in progress)
The cottage was buzzing with activity. Emerald woke up to the sound of not-so-quiet voices arguing passionately over which blankets best captured moonlight. Aunt Georgia and Ms. Adele were at it again. Apparently, metallic threads reflected the shine of the moon while a textile’s pattern amplified its energetic intensity. Aunt Georgia insisted that a design of silver wild flowers would draw in the moon’s light and help strengthen the magic of anyone nearby. The moon would appreciate how a floral motif wouldn’t disrupt the intention of nature as the blanket was spread out in a field. Ms. Adele countered that a blanket made of threads laced with cobalt and patterned after the night sky would best catch the moon’s attention, reminding it of its extraterrestrial place and thus act as an anchor point, bridging the ground to the heavens.

“How is a blanket that camouflages with the ground supposed to attract the moon’s rays?” screeched Ms. Adele.

“There is nothing more potent than nature’s unobstructed state. A blanket of stars will subvert her will and weaken the moon’s ability to harmonize with the ground,” cried Aunt Georgia!

- 1 -
“The point is to join the celestial realm with the natural dominion, not silence the connection. The moon has a long way to travel and needs coaxing,” stated Ms. Adele flatly.

Right as Aunt Georgia let out a frustrated grunt, there was a loud crash in the distance that sounded like it came from the kitchen. Emerald imagined every pot and pan suddenly falling to the ground from the rack which hung over the kitchen’s large central island. Though she desperately wished to go back to sleep, Emerald yawned and stretched and decided today would not be a hospitable day for lounging idly. As she sat up and peered through her bedroom window, Emerald noted that several tents had sprung up during the night. Out in the field beside her new home, there now stood somewhere between seventeen and seventy-five shabby, homemade looking dwellings. Most of the tents appeared to display large mismatched patches of fabric one could only assume served to cover sizable holes in the roofs of each residence. Some of the new tenants had also erected clothes lines or started small smoldering campfires near their front flaps. People were everywhere. Eccentric looking people — wearing what appeared to be hand-painted garments. Emerald concluded that these people, by the look of them, were primarily affiliated with her mother’s side of the family.

Her belly growling loudly, Emerald slid her covers back and gave a final sigh before standing. The kitchen would decidedly be her first stop this morning. The house still felt strange to her, but it wasn’t too terrible. She liked how the floor boards gave just a little, bowing and creaking beneath the weight of her feet as she crossed her new room. Immediately upon opening her bedroom door Emerald saw Bingley slowly padding up the stairs towards her.

“Good morning Bing!”

Bingley barely acknowledged her, in typical cat fashion, looking through her and raising her chin slightly.

“What was the loud noise a moment ago?” Emerald asked.

- 2 -
“Someone let a bunch of crows into the kitchen,” the calico replied lazily. “They’re in there making a mess, which is why I came up here…”

With that, Emerald reasoned maybe sneaking away from the farm for the day might be best…starting with finding a place to procure food for her poor, empty stomach. She quickly stepped back into her room to put on her well-worn sneakers and a pair of light blue denim shorts, half tucking her nightgown into the waistband.

Coming downstairs, Emerald caught sight of her mother, wildflowers tucked in her curly red hair, singing the kitchen back into a pleasantly organized state. Her mother’s musical magic really was beautiful to witness. Emerald briefly wondered when her abilities would develop like her mother’s before Phoebe interrupted her train of thought, calling out to her.

“Emerald! I’m glad you’re awake. I really need you to go into town for me. I have too much to do around here before this evening.”

Emerald’s momentary surprise at being noticed quickly faded into mild exasperation. She swung her head back looking up at the ceiling while shooting her hand out, palm up, knowing her mother probably already had a shopping list ready for her. Indeed, Phoebe withdrew a small piece of paper and some money from one of the front pockets of her pollen yellow apron before placing it gently in Emerald’s outstretched hand.

“Thank you,” Phoebe whispered tiredly. “I’ve already placed the totes by the front door. —Maybe take Bingley with you. It has been a while, but she should still know her way around Maple Hollow.”

Slightly irritated about being asked to run errands before she had even eaten breakfast, Emerald shouted back up the stairs, “BINGLEY! Mom says you need to come into town with me!”

Bingley poked her head out from the top landing and gave an exhausted meow before softly melting down the steps. Stairs were tricky to maneuver for

- 3 -
Bingley, only having three legs. She likely would have preferred spacing out her trips between the upper and lower floors to conserve energy. Having just gone upstairs, Emerald considered picking her up to save the cat so much effort, but Bingley did not request help. So, she decided to just wait patiently for her descent.

As Bingley landed on the bottom step, Phoebe thanked them both and waved goodbye before hurrying back into the kitchen. Right as Emerald closed the front door behind her, she heard another crash of pots and pans and felt glad to be leaving. Emerald and Bingley set off down the long dirt path leading away from the farm house and newly established campground.

“Emerald, do you think you would mind carrying me?” asked Bingley.

“Of course Bing! I’m really glad you’re coming with me into town,” she said with a gentle smile.

Emerald bent down wordlessly and scooped Bingley into one of the grocery totes her mother sent along with them. After a slight adjustment, Bingley’s head and one of her front paws poked out the top of the canvas bag and rested, spilling over the front, her weight bobbing softly with each of Emerald’s steps.

“Bing, how old was my mother when she began to sing her magic?” Emerald asked, exchanging her vulnerability for Bingley’s.

“I’m not entirely certain,” said Bingley thoughtfully. “I believe it was when she was around four or five years old.”

“Four or five!” exclaimed Emerald. “Will I ever be able to sing spells like she does? I’m almost sixteen!”

“Every witch I’ve ever known discovers her magic in her own time. You can’t rush what grows,” offered Bingley. “There is powerful magic in growth.”

Thinking about Bingley’s answer, Emerald shifted her focus inward, dropping the conversational thread. They walked like that for a while together, heading through the dense forest which separated their farm from the rest of the town.

- 4 -
Looking ahead, Emerald saw a separation begin to take shape in the row of oaks lining the road. The untamed mass of forest which divided their new farm from the city of Maple Hollow gradually appeared more manicured and intentionally neat. Emerald assumed it would not be long now before they arrived.

“Turn here,” said Bingley. “Trust me. It will only be a small detour.”

A narrow overgrown trail, Emerald had hardly noticed, was set between the broad trees lining the main road. The tunnel of green and yellow leaves appeared to lead uphill into pure blue sky. Feeling curious, Emerald ventured onto the side path, Bingley in tow. As they neared where the small trail opened, the start of a rickety, waist-high, picket fence began along their right side. Stepping towards the sunlight, the path turned left abruptly and the reason for the fence became clear. The trail ran out along a cliffside. Looking over the small fence, now acting as a sort of guard rail, Emerald and Bingley were faced with an elevated view of Maple Hollow. The town was quaintly nestled on a large island between the sea and a sizable inlet. Orangey brown and dusty purple ceramic tiled roofs were set amidst a thick green canopy of maple leaves. On the outskirts, grassy, rolling hills slid off into the surrounding water. An old stone bridge supported by a few tall arches connected it all to the mainland.

“It’s beautiful,” exclaimed Emerald.

“I knew you’d like it,” said Bingley, purring, satisfied.

Emerald gazed out with a suddenly somber expression. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

After lingering for a moment staring in mutual silence across the inlet, they continued along the trail, down towards where the base of the cliff met back with the main road. The dirt and gravel beneath their feet transitioned to cobbles and then to bricks. Before long, they crossed the tall stone bridge, which appeared even more ancient up-close. A small wooden sign welcomed Emerald and Bingley into the sleepy town.

- 5 -
“Before we find the market, I need coffee and something to eat,” said Emerald beginning to look scarily fatigued.

Bingley only mewed approval, not wanting to draw attention to them both by forcing Emerald to hold whole conversations with the cat in her tote bag.

Heading into the center of Maple Hollow, they passed a few quaint boutiques all featuring clothing Emerald judged to be a bit too frilly for her taste and an antique shop with a large window display full of books that she mentally noted wanting to potentially revisit later. Not long into their exploration, wandering the narrow streets speckled with shade and soft light, Emerald could smell that coffee was nearby. Initially following friendly voices, they entered a sunlit plaza and quickly spotted a cluster of happy-looking townspeople chatting animatedly, sitting at petite wooden and wicker tables. The front of the cafe was painted a warm cream color with densely packed flower boxes hung from the prominent windows.

Instantly rejuvenated by the bold scent of espresso, Emerald excitedly passed through the crowd of patrons and opened the front door. Bingley abruptly yanked her head backward into Emerald’s tote bag as the bells over the entryway chimed loudly. The cafe was half full. Inside, people were sitting at various points around the room apparently working fastidiously. The interior boasted a high ceiling with long exposed wooden rafters and Emerald could see a wall of cubby shelves behind the counter filled with loaves of bread. The combined smells of fresh sourdough and warm coffee made Emerald’s stomach growl wildly. Looking slightly flustered, Bingley slowly popped her head back out from the top of the bag hanging under Emerald’s arm and made tiny sniffs at the air. The walls were paneled with shiplap and painted white, obscured only by a large glass case of baked goods set into the back of the room. Emerald and Bingley approached the counter built onto the glass case where a tall, thin girl about Emerald’s age was standing, wearing a short pale blue gingham dress and oversized flannel. Her long dirty blonde hair tucked behind her ears, hung down, framing either side of her face as she looked down at a book behind the register.

- 6 -
“How may I help you?” asked the girl, sounding slightly unsure of herself, slowly raising her eyes away from the page she was reading to meet Emerald’s happy gaze.

“Hi! Can I have a large iced coffee with almond milk and any one of the pastries in your case here please,” said Emerald a little too cheerily.

The girl seemed surprised, but Emerald wasn’t sure why since her order seemed relatively standard. She decided to probe further.

“My family is new here,” she added, “I’m Emerald by the way.”

“Cass…Cassie,” said the girl, looking worried.

“Nice to meet you, Cassie!” said Emerald.

“You’re really nice aren’t you?” asked Cassie confused.

“Umm, I try my best,” said Emerald, brows furrowed almost imperceptibly and somewhat taken aback. “Oh…and this is Bingley! Bing for short. She’s helping me find the market this morning.”

Cassie gave a small smile for the first time and softly returned, “Nice to meet you Bingley… and nice to meet you Emerald.” Her demeanor visibly relaxing slightly. Emerald beamed confidently, but still felt unsure of why the girl had seemed so surprised.

Reaching into the glass case, Cassie added, “Here is my favorite type of croissant,” and then slid a sizable, flaky, golden pastry wrapped in brown waxed paper across the counter.

Emerald radiated with excitement, her mouth watering. Ready to start eating, she quickly backed away from the counter and chose a corner seat beside one of the wide front windows, hoping for a better look at the flowers hanging in the box outside while she ate.

- 7 -
“Was it just me or did Cassie seem uneasy?” said Bingley in a low voice, now comfortably perched atop the grocery tote spread over the seat of the chair opposite Emerald. She was barely tall enough to see over the table, yet somehow appeared as natural and poised as any other human customer.

“Iwozz…thehnking…the sam…sthing!” garbled Emerald, barely intelligible with her mouth full, munching on mangled chunks of croissant.

Bingley expressed mild disdain for Emerald’s lack of manners, the cat looking away and narrowing her eyes. Just then, the bells over the front door chimed again causing Bingley to puff up, all her fur standing on end.

“I really do not like those bells,” hissed Bingley.

With the chime, entered a rowdy group of teenagers talking noisily. Emerald looked on, curiosity turning into horror, as a dark haired girl pointed over towards the register, an action which preceded the rest of the group snickering conspicuously. They continued whispering to each other, Emerald only catching bits of what was being said.

“…he’s so weird…” muttered one boy.

“…what a freak…” interjected a girl’s voice.

“…let’s just leave…” said another.

Then suddenly, the first girl who had originally pointed, looked over her shoulder and shouted across the cafe, “See you at school Cassie!” Her voice lingering on the last syllable of Cassie’s name in a taunting way.

With that, the teens howled with laughter before making their way back outside. Cassie, who did not respond to the group’s antics, brought over Emerald’s coffee along with a small saucer of milk for Bingley. Her body looked crumpled and her eyes were now glassy, though she wouldn’t meet Emerald’s gaze.

- 8 -
“Is everything okay? Who were those kids?” asked Emerald, concern flooding her voice.

“Just some people from school,” Cassie answered sounding small. “Joanne and her group have been giving me a hard time ever since…” her voice trailed off. “…for a long time.”

“I’m sorry,” said Emerald, making a mental note to watch out for that dark haired girl and her friends. “You deserve better.”

Cassie didn’t say anything for a moment looking like she might cry, then added, “It’s fine…it’s not just them. I don’t really have any friends.”

With that last statement, she started to back away, but Emerald suddenly called out to her, “Cassie, would you like to come to a party tonight?” Cassie’s eyes went wide. “…well sort of a party…it will mostly just be family…and friends of my parents…and it might be a little strange from what you’re used to, but I’d love for you to come if you’d like to…” Emerald wasn’t sure if the expression on Cassie’s face communicated a good kind of surprise or maybe a horrified shock. Bingley also appeared stunned, abruptly looking up from the saucer of milk she had briefly enjoyed.

“You want me to come over…” stammered Cassie, a bewildered expression still filling her face. “Are you sure?”

“Definitely,” reassured Emerald. “I think you seem nice too.”

Cassie glowed with warmth at Emerald’s sincere invitation. They agreed to meet on the tall stone bridge around sunset so they could walk over to the farm together. Cassie then returned to the counter to help some customers who had just entered the cafe. Reenergized by coffee, Emerald and Bingley set off for the market before heading back to the farm with Phoebe’s supplies.

- 9 -